why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
