just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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