Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
