i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
