He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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