Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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