Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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