i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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