I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
