I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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