I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
