ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
