Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
