Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
