saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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