i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
