i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
