Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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