I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
