I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
