I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
