I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
