But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
