I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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