every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
