haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
