can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
