Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize