When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
