If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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