we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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