Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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