The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
