I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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