I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
