lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
