JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
