There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
