remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
