It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
