I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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