He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
