shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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