I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
