the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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