I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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