Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
