first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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