i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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