I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
