My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
