Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
