I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
