Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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