Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
