Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
