I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
