So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
