You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
