I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
