Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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