guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
