Banned from zoo.
Again?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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