my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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