PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize