i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
