She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize