He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
