and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize